Chocolate, Anyone?

I'm here! I promise this time! I'm not going anywhere. I have wifi now, therefore I have no excuse. I feel like such an adult lately, moving in, putting down deposits for everything and building credit. Getting WIFI.

None of this is particularly cheap, but it's all so fulfilling.

I think it's safe to say I've officially settled into our new home. I think it's also safe to say that living in a triplex is no different than having two sets of roommates, paper-thin walls, and opposing schedules. But, in all honesty, there's something comforting about knowing that you're not spending the night in an empty house. I mean, I've met my neighbors and I trust them; they're not total weirdos or anything.

I mean, I'm a total weirdo, and it takes one to know one, right? Ha. Ha?

(Tangent: Trying to blog to bumping pop music is kind of hard. I keep catching myself doing that whole type what you hear thing on accident. Looks like I need to change the vibe...finding a new it!)

Wedding planning is stressful. Let's just be open here. I've definitely had to take a step back on several occasions and reevaluate my attitude towards the way I tend to deal with stress and stressors. It's not the simplest of things to do, especially whenever you're dealing with multiple opinions and advice and visions and everything and anything in between.

Not to say that this isn't a special time, because it is. It is an incredible and precious time that I'll never have again. I'm a bride.

Like, this is the last second Thursday in March that I'll never be married.

In my life.

Okay, that was a stretch to bring significance to something seemingly minuscule, but THESE ARE THE THINGS I THINK ABOUT. Every detail matters, yet it's so easy to take these moments for granted.

It's tough to slow down anything and zoom in on everything and be grateful for every pore and detail of every scenario. There's just so much to be grateful for that it's easy to be overwhelmed and tune it all out.

It's very easy to fall into old distractions. Old thought patterns. Negative ideas and perceptions which have put on new masks and shown up as new ideas and helpful perspectives. Disordered thoughts rear their heads yet hide their faces in times of stress. Tune something out, replace it with something easy. Something I already know. Something harmful.

You guys know what I mean.

This toxicity happens regardless of the field of the poison. In one person, it could be food. In another? Relationships. In your best friend? Substance. There is no limit to our safety zones that "help" us when we need it but hurt us when we can't escape.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again! All our anxieties are merely distractions from what is already here and beautiful. Regardless of how blinding these distractions are in your life, you need to take the shield you know you possess and put it up strong and high and move forward.

Now, I haven't acted on any of these thoughts besides maybe the thought to seek some help from my dietician, Sara Upson, from my old treatment team. I just went to say hi, I'm stressed out and I'm thinking about this and that and just want to make sure I'm doing okay. She assured me I was doing wonderfully and how great it was that I could recognize the patterns of my mind and just don't get on the scale. Because I had, and that's what started all of this.

It was a very helpful and relaxed session, wherein I finally had the money to go see her and talk about my daily life. We were able to make future plans for the blog and I shared with her that I wanted to interview her to show others kind of what to expect and how it can be helpful.

Basically, I just needed someone to tell me I'm moving forward, not backward, and I can eat chocolate if I damn well want to.